The Joker wrapped up in a nice straitjacket?
Poison Ivy locked up in her greenhouse?
The Ventriloquist putting on a show for the other inmates?
With all the bad guys locked up, what’s Batman going to do?
Yeah, there’s always that, I suppose.
Honestly, when I came across this ad in an early 80s issue of All-Star Squadron, my first thought was a post along the lines of how a fad toy, the Rubik’s Cube, could produce such a niche product as Cube Lube:
But a quick net search led me to discover that you can still buy it and from the official Rubik’s website, no less. Not so niche after all, I suppose.
Then a closer look at the ad made me realise something: the cube the kid is playing with is impossible to solve, not only because it has two yellow centre squares:
but also five white white squares in the middle top, bottom, left and right positions:
It’s possible that this cube has two yellow faces and two white ones – but that would take up four faces and, aside from those colours, we can clearly see blue, green and red squares which means the cube would have seven faces, not six.
My brain hurts
In the same week that Roy Thomas was taken to task for using the word “Oriental”, I came across this classified ad in an old issue of All Star Squadron from the early 80s:
“This is the AMERICAN WAY” it proudly says, “not oriental”
Who needs a collections of fast, athletic moves when you can simply deliver a poorly drawn left-handed punch to the bearded face of a man in a yellow onesie?
Is there anything more American than that, my friends?
Still working through War of The Gods and, as it was published in 1991, it still has those full page collections of ads where you could learn to “draw supercharacters” or get a “Marvel/DC price guide” or build muscles including “Bull-Like Shoulders“!
or even get a “Live Chameleon FREE!” when you buy 200 Live Meal Worms but the one that caught my eye was in the top right:
Now there’s nothing unusual about getting 30% off the cover price of new comics – hell, I’m up for that, but what really puzzled me was the bloke at the bottom of the ad:
Who is he? What is that contraption that is shooting arrows both away from and towards it? Why is one of those arrows heading to his glasses? And perhaps most importantly of all . . .